Something's flipping in my head — one minute I wanted the birth to com…

Something's flipping in my head — one minute I wanted the birth to come sooner to see the baby faster, and now I'm afraid of labor, afraid of the pain. The hospital atmosphere itself stresses me out, it's not a maternity ward, it's like a psych ward: all those instruments, doctors in gowns, it feels like they'll cut you open alive. I have no idea what childbirth is like, how painful it is when the baby is almost there, do they cut something to get the baby out? Ugh, these thoughts freak me out when you don't know what to expect. And then suddenly postpartum depression — what even is it and why does it appear after what happens to you there. I have extremely painful periods, like really bad, sometimes I can even faint. And if people say labor can't compare to periods, then what on earth is it ??? I also have VSD (autonomic dysfunction), I'll probably freak out so much there that I won't even lie down on that couch. Why can't they make it like in the USA, my God, their maternity hospitals are amazing, you could practically live there. And here in Kramatorsk you could shoot a horror movie — those two-tone blue-and-white walls. I'm already in a depression ?