About the most uncomfortable things... ? Relationships with the mother...

5 лет назад Екатерина 42 Тула

About the most uncomfortable things... ? Relationships with the mother-in-law during pregnancy... And her plans for the baby's birth... How often does she visit us? Does she give advice? (In our case through the wall... Taking a leave for the baby's birth, planning to be a babysitter...) Should we tell her that the baby is eating and sleeping...? And her help isn't needed... We want peace at home, not constant visits of helpers.

Comments: 33

Likes: 1

Sandi

9г1м 5г5м

Oh how I understand you ) mine even wanted them to do a C-section at 7 months and pull the baby out ) and with the first child she hovered over me and kept saying I had too little milk because my boobs were small, when I actually had plenty and was expressing) because of her I got depressed thinking I was a bad mom, my hair fell out until I had bald patches) I almost lost my mind ) three years of torment and we finally moved out separately) and now she wants us to live with her for the baby's first 40 days) thinking of what to come up with so we don't have to live with her )

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Влада

5г2м

Sandi , Wow, that's intense.

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Валерия Владимировна

Sandi , Insane!

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Влада

5г2м

Tell them you'll manage, and if something doesn't work out you'll ask for advice or help. Say "that you want to experience all these moments yourself, it's all very interesting and important to you, so no hard feelings and all that, please understand me correctly." I'm currently living with my mother-in-law — just the two of us, my husband is at work with his father, I'm due in January. My mother-in-law wants to bring her own mom from the village for the winter, so I'll have a bunch of nannies/helpers here. On the one hand I'm happy. I'll be able to rest a bit and not be completely wiped out at first. Because it's my first child, I'm scared I'll do something wrong. I have no experience at all.

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Екатерина

They get on my nerves quickly... I tell her I'll call if I need help, but it's no use... She loves bossing everyone around? You either stop it right away, or she'll walk all over you. Lord, what can I say. My father-in-law died recently. She decided to name the grandson after him and almost tried to claim him as her own... I'm running out of patience

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1237

Екатерина , No, well, when it comes to the name, it only makes sense that you choose it.

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1237

Екатерина , On the other hand, you can understand her — she's old, has no husband, and wants something to take her mind off things. You just need to explain that you're the mother and responsible for raising the child; she's the grandmother and should be the one babysitting.

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Екатерина

1237 , Maybe so. But if she'd been more restrained and hadn't spread gossip... Sigh.... At her work they know all the information about us... who's going to be born, when, what my test results are... Oh my God ????

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1237

Екатерина , well that's not gossip) she's just happy she'll be a grandmother, so there's no limit to her happiness my grandma also tells everyone who's expecting, what we've bought, when we're due, but not for selfish reasons? when she starts going around saying what a bad mother you are, that's when you'll talk to her differently?

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Victoria

8г11м 42

Екатерина , Maybe she's proud that she are such children!? Look at it from another perspective!)) And the age to top it off! Wishing you patience!

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Екатерина

We're going to have our first one too) we want to experience firsthand all the joys and sleepless nights.. At least the first few weeks))

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1237

Well, personally we in the family immediately talked it through from every angle: this is our life and nobody gets to meddle in it, and especially not in raising our child. You can stay quiet about some things, but for someone to teach me how to raise my baby — no way ? It's clear that grandmothers want to dote on the baby, but they should of course know their limits. If someone just wants to help you, that's another matter. But if they try to tell you what's right and wrong, you need to speak up about it, otherwise it'll only get worse.

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Светлана

20г5м

Girls, just tell them off, tell them off, tell them off and tell them off. This is my home, my life, my child!!! I'll listen to advice, but not to being bossed around in my house. If you don't tell them off, they'll totally walk all over you.

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Екатерина

Yes, I told my husband to say it in advance, otherwise there's no avoiding a scandal.

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Екатерина

Apparently she's bored... has no one to boss around... likes to have the last word everywhere

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Екатерина

My mom is about 10 years younger than her, and honestly I'm also shocked by her vibe and the things she talks about, ?

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Даша

5г5м

I feel for you, girls. I have the perfect mother-in-law. She doesn't call all the time, doesn't meddle, doesn't lecture. I have a very good relationship with her.

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Екатерина

That's why it's perfect — it doesn't get in the way ?

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Viktoria

5г4м

I immediately set the distance I need with her, and that's it, no problems... she rarely even calls... well, it's better that way... and I don't really rely on her help either.

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Екатерина

8г4м 4г10м

Terrible! I let them have the child once a week, and I brought the nursing baby to visits when I wanted and invited them when it was convenient for me. Let your husband tactfully explain that you'll manage on your own, so as not to spoil the relationship... I divorced my husband over this the first time... because we lived with my mother-in-law... we got back together, bought an apartment and now we live separately..

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Ирина

5г2м

I have a good relationship with my mother-in-law. She doesn't interfere. She lives in the village and we live in the city. But I could use some help, and both our grandmothers are already quite old and probably won't be able to help. ?

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Марьям

Maybe she meant well, wanted to help you — after all, you don't get much sleep after giving birth and need rest.

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Анастасия

5г5м 1г11м

Oh, how I also wish I could avoid the never-ending commotion from relatives at home Send them out for a walk with the baby so they don't hang around the house

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Валя

My relationship with my mother-in-law is actually even too good, I'd say )) She lives in Armenia, and my husband and I are here. On the contrary, I'm thinking of inviting her when I give birth, because I haven't spoken to my own mom for 2-3 months and I don't expect any help from her, but my mother-in-law is GOLDEN!!!! I wish you strong nerves)))

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Полина

5г0м

We have a good relationship; my girl lives 2,000 km away ??? but she still wants to come.

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Екатерина

She's really pushy... She means well, but she ends up butting in with unsolicited advice.

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Екатерина

My husband also wants peace and quiet at home... He gets it the most from her... He's literally going gray before my eyes, so to speak, from her pushiness... and she doesn't give a damn. When there's commotion, arguments and frayed nerves all around, she smiles contentedly..

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Дина

5г5м

My aunt lives in another city 1000 km away))) in the south)) we recently moved to the north. But even when we lived 300 km away she never meddled with us, I really love and appreciate her for that. She's a great aunt, too bad she's not married, but she clearly has a man. She doesn't talk about her personal life? but she'll definitely come after the birth, she even wants to make it for the discharge, she's taking time off too. And I'm all for it? this is the child of her first child, she'll become a grandmother for the first time. On the contrary, I want to load her up ? let her dote on her granddaughter, a month will fly by. And I'll rest and recover. Don't be like that... don't refuse help, it might seem so "oh, it'll be easy." Better to have help than to have none at all.

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Динара

9г2м 5г1м

Is this the place to vent about a mother-in-law? Listen) Basically, I'll start with the fact that my mother-in-law and I are completely different people. Literally on every front. She's a principled, nasty woman — she'll get up anyone's ass and put her own order there. At the same time, she sucks up to my husband, my son, and her eldest son, who's, mind you, almost forty. Dinara asks not to buy sweets for the kid? Then we'll buy twice as much! Dinara forbids giving the kid fatty food? Here you go, grandson — some farmhouse sour cream mixed with a chunk of fatty lamb! (Well, what the hell, it's all natural, no GMOs, and you can't argue with that, damn) Right in front of me, when I tell my son it's time for bed because we have a schedule, she says, well we haven't eaten/pooped/drunk/played yet, etc. And anyway why sleep if tomorrow is Saturday, or screw his room, let him sleep with me. The son, hearing all this, starts to protest and throw a fit and still goes to his room to sleep, while downstairs my mother-in-law wails, "poor child, he's always crying, you force him to sleep and he can't have anything at all, and my heart is sick, I shouldn't get upset at all." Since we live together and it's her house, all the hints about "my house-my rules and you have to live by them" are aimed at me. More precisely, it's all said out loud as if not to me but to everyone present, but the sidelong glance is always directed at me. Any shout or raising your voice even half a decibel toward her ends with "You must respect adults and besides everything hurts for me, I work hard for you tirelessly with no days off." And then she limps dramatically toward her room, clutching her heart and head with both hands, and ten minutes later forgets her aching leg and skips over to the grandson because he probably wants to eat — she doesn't say it, but he definitely wants something! And really, her life mantra is: "I'm older, I have experience, you must listen to and respect me!" My life is a TV show Voroniny, where I'm poor Vera, who sees lots and lots of non-family members in her personal space and can't tell them what Personal Space means( At the end of this year, we're supposed to move out from under her to the neighboring house (on the lot), which will make it even more like that show. But I'm still happy that we're moving somewhere where she won't be around so much)

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Екатерина

Динара , I wish you enormous patience!! People like that, I think, are downright parasites.... They're 100% doing this — playing on pity... Ugh, I don't even want to start, my nerves immediately start fraying... Hang in there!!! And stay far away from people like that ?

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Динара

9г2м 5г1м

Екатерина , Thanks) You too — patience and courage, and a bit of audacity)?

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Анастасия

4г11м

Динара , Move out quickly! When my husband and I were looking for an apartment, we didn't even want to consider a neighborhood near my mother-in-law. We ended up buying on the other side of town. I'm really happy about it, and my mother-in-law is outraged that it's so far away ?

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Анастасия

4г11м

I'm even afraid to think about my mother-in-law and the baby! She always sticks her nose into our lives and tries to lecture us, especially about not eating meat?‍♀️ She was normal 10 years ago, but then she suddenly decided to become a vegetarian and thinks everyone should be the same. We, together with my father-in-law, try to put her in her place, but it doesn't really help. So she doesn't know about the baby yet — my rule is that until the end of the first trimester only my husband and my gynecologist can know (and my boss too, he's an idiot, tried to fire me, didn't work?). And I'm really scared of the day we tell my mother-in-law! That's when the lecturing will start: she'll write a million messages every day, send a bunch of stupid links and try to tell us how to live. She's a housewife, so she's bored alone and has no friends. And my mom lives far away, she will probably not be able to come for the birth. I've already started talking with my husband that this is only our child, that only we have the right to do whatever we want with him, and no grandmothers have the right to decide what we should do and how. I'm getting my husband ready to rein his mom in, otherwise with my hormones I'll just strangle her?

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