Hello everyone! This is a very personal topic and a very heavy questio...

5 лет назад Inkara.S Караганда

Hello everyone! This is a very personal topic and a very heavy question for me... I'm asking you not to hold back, not to say that everything will be okay, I already know that! The thing is, I've been feeling depressed lately, like depression creeps in, but now before the most important meeting in my life with my daughter, I don't have the right to break down and cry and suffer. The thing is, we're getting divorced, and I need some good advice on how to go through it calmly, without fits of anger and tears and how to avoid his return to me! Believe me, this will be better for us and our daughter. I really need advice from

Comments: 15

Likes: 0

Ljudmila

14г9м 5г3м

You decided and set yourself up that way, so that's how it should be. You're no longer alone — there are two girls now. And life will put everything in its place: who should be with whom and who will love whom.

Ответить 5 лет назад

Мария

Everything in life is temporary. The pain, the hurt, and the longing will fade, it will all pass. You’ll pick up your child and won’t have time to think about the guy, and after half a year it’ll get easier. Don’t count on him — if he won’t love you, so what; it means you’ll love for the both of you. You’ll meet your man and everything will be as it should.

Ответить 5 лет назад

Mako

13г4м 5г3м 2г9м

No way! There is no advice that will help you at this stage of life. This is a divorce — a divorce with someone who was once the closest to you. You need to prepare yourself: accept it, let it pass through you and let it go, although it’s not easy. You already have the right mindset — that’s, as they say, half the battle. Good luck to you! Be strong!

Ответить 5 лет назад

Екатерина

8г3м 4г10м

I couldn't do it without hysterics.. suffering and checking up on him on social media, it's not easy to let go of someone close... we divorced and got back together.. then again.. we got married and now we're expecting our second child) There's no advice here, because we don't know the reasons for your divorce, how you lived.. etc.. I listened to my heart.. that's all.. now I don't regret anything ??‍♀️ It should be noted that he also wanted to get back together... It's another matter if he doesn't want to and doesn't reach out to you and your daughter and abandons you in a hard moment, you should get rid of someone like that before it's too late... I just don't know your story.. in any case, hang in there.. your daughter feels everything.

Ответить 5 лет назад

Alina

5г1м

To be honest, I've also started having problems with my husband recently. As soon as I commented here under a post about how good he is and how I adore him, he immediately changed. Maybe I'm imagining it, but at the very start of the pregnancy he behaved like he didn't care about me, and even less about the baby. I was shocked and wanted to break up with this person forever. But then I realized that maybe it's his defensive reaction to realizing he'll soon become a father. Indeed, after some time those episodes passed and he became as caring as he was before the baby. Yesterday he said such rude things that drove me to hysteria. I wanted to tell his mom, my mom so they'd know what a bad person he is ? but staying home alone, I was standing in the kitchen making dinner and suddenly realized what a fool I am. And I understood how I should have behaved in that situation. I should have simply supported him with my words and acknowledged his point of view; I put myself in his shoes and remembered that there were times, more than once, when I said the same to him. But I thought he didn't care, and our communication immediately returned to normal. In short, yesterday I wanted a divorce. By the evening my common sense returned. I put myself in his place. Now with this comment I have vented and sorted myself out. Thanks for listening! I think now you know more about my life than anyone else ? About your situation I can say one thing: do you have parents? Do you have yourself?! Does a man really play such a huge role in your life?! Understand that no one in your daughter's life will love her as much as you do. A mother's love is the strongest love. A father's love is completely different, but not weaker than yours. I'm more than sure that when the little daughter is born he'll love her with all his heart and protect her like the apple of his eye; fathers, often without realizing it, switch on a paternal feeling at the birth of a daughter that can't be broken by anything. Maybe it hasn't hit him yet. Maybe he needs to see her and then he'll realize what a fool he was. Of course it would be better if you take him with you to the partner childbirth so he understands what giving birth is like. He would appreciate you a thousand times more. You have 2 choices — 2 paths. 1) Divorce now and be disappointed in him forever. 2) Wait for your daughter's birth and give him a chance at the paternal feeling; if in the end nothing stirs in him and he's the same as before, don't hesitate to remove him from your life. But if he meets your expectations, then you'll be very happy, because you've acquired what is sometimes the most necessary quality of character — "patience" — and you'll have a daughter, a loving husband beside you, and family happiness. And by the way, try going to a psychologist, it's a very good thing. A psychologist will give him a kick up the butt, and will help you change some perspectives on life that will make things much easier for you.

Ответить 5 лет назад

Madina

я сейчас сама на стадии развода, ребёнку 1г2мес, муж выгнал нас в сентябре, и до сих пор не видел и даже интересуется ребёнком. тяжело конечно было сначала, но мы справляемся, да и ребёнок уже перестал говорить слово Папа. просто нужно полностью осознать, что всё это не просто так случилось, что значит так надо было, и это просто этап в жизни, который нужно перешагнуть. ну и конечно мне оказывает поддержку моя мама, которая сидит с ребёнком пока проходит бракоразводный процесс. поговорите с кем-нибудь, выскажитесь, даже не по поводу развода, а просто на любую тему, вам станет легче.

Ответить 5 лет назад

Inkara.S

Madina , Спасибо большое за вашу историю ??? Если захочет вернуть, вернётесь? Как вы смогли эмоционально это пережить и принять? Вы наверняка виделись в период развода...

Ответить 5 лет назад

Madina

Madina , не смотря на всё что у нас произошло, я всё равно его люблю, но прощать и возвращаться к нему не собираюсь. обидно, досадно, да и ребёнка жалко. не хочу чтоб нас гоняли как собак, то нужны, то не нужны ему.

Ответить 5 лет назад

Madina

Inkara.S , да, я предлагала мирно развестись, и вопрос стоял(и до сих пор стоит) об алиментах на ребёнка. он отказывается платить по закону 1/4часть от зп. занизил себе в 2 раза, доход не показывает, сказал подавать в суд на него, пришлось подать иск. нас до сих пор не развели, тянут с этим. кстати, вы тоже имеете право на алименты на себя, до исполнения ребёнку 3-х лет (суд обычно эту информацию не озвучивает).

Ответить 5 лет назад

Inkara.S

Madina , Да, конечно, и на алименты и на обеспечение себя нужно будет подать в случае развода...но суть в том что он нас не обеспечивает и во время брака,с самого начала отношений так, ни одного подарочка. И муж не работает официально, мне кажется даже алименты получать не смогу?? Я на 36 неделе и по сей день работаю сама...

Ответить 5 лет назад

Madina

Inkara.S , на алименты вы можете подать и во время брака, если муж не работает, то алименты будут начисляться из средней зп, у нас по Костанаю это чуть больше 200тыс., значит ребёнку будет 50тыс и вам начисляется в количестве МРП (муж требует суд чтобы было 3мрп, но можно больше)

Ответить 5 лет назад

Inkara.S

Madina , Спасибо вам большое! Буду знать...получается будет платить государство что ли? ? А муж? Совсем в этих делах пока что не разбираюсь...

Ответить 5 лет назад

Madina

Inkara.S , нет, будет платить муж, если у него нет офиц. дохода и он не самозанятый

Ответить 5 лет назад

Надира

6г7м 19г9м 17г2м 5г0м

Здравствуйте Инкара ! Не забываете если вы будете плакать и страдать ваши девочки тоже будут чувствовать эту боль, не допускайте этого. К сожалению есть такие мудаки. Я сама в 2013 году с двумя детьми осталась на улице , мне тупо не куда было идти у меня родителей нет. Помогла тётя , сидела с детьми я вышла работать . Слава Аллаху все прошло сейчас я замужем и дети рядом .И самое главное не разу не сожалела что ушла от этого пьяницы.

Ответить 5 лет назад

Erkesh

4г9м

Инкар, прошло 5 месяцев, как вы там? Что решили? Я окончательно приняла развестись, как дочка ? Было ли трудно?

Ответить 4 года назад

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