The baby was crying so much, never like this before, she was choking, …

The baby was crying so much, never like this before, she was choking, nothing helped! I washed her, undressed her, examined her, held her in different positions but then I just put her down and watched as she cried... I don't know what's wrong with me, my head is spinning, I just lost it and shook her rattle at her violently then threw her away, and the baby started crying even more. Now she sleeps on her hands with a pacifier half-separated. Did I traumatize her with that rattling noise? I'm going crazy already. I feel terrible, I'm a bad mother. Allowed myself to feed her only twice in a day, from this I am getting even