Girls, I took off the silicone pad ? and it seems like I'm starting to…

Girls, I took off the silicone pad ? and it seems like I'm starting to regret ? I thought we would avoid pain and cracks, because in the hospital it hurt, but there were no cracks, the baby couldn't hold on and was nervous, so I had to put on the pad, and now I look at it, I'm straight up excited. But now I can't stand it, I'm straight up bleeding already, I'm applying petroleum jelly and Bepanthen cream, I'm lying without underwear, what else can I do ???it's unbearable