Girls, what calming drink can I have while breastfeeding? Something's …

Girls, what calming drink can I have while breastfeeding? Something's gone wrong... it seemed like I was holding on, but now I feel like I'm being pulled into depression, I'm clinging to it with all my strength, honestly, every day gets harder and I'm getting weaker... and this isn't postpartum, it's life circumstances...? I'm trying for the baby, but it doesn't always work out... Yesterday I fed him and cried right in front of him ??‍♀️ And he looks at me with his huge clean eyes and smiles... I don't want him to see me like that ?