I hate myself... I gave her a beating from morning till night (2.8 yea…

I hate myself... I gave her a beating from morning till night (2.8 years old), never like this before, and then... my roof blew off, she doesn't listen and won't put anything in me, all words go by ears. I'm tired of calmly explaining and asking why she acts that way, why she cries, why she doesn't want to wear a jacket outside, why she deliberately spills water, why she cries on purpose. I'm going to give birth in two months, how am I supposed to raise two if I'm already broken down and beat her up with all my might? She just layed down closing her eyes while I sat next to her speechless in shock, then we