I'm 30, feel like I'm 21 ?. Always think I'm too young, then remember …

I'm 30, feel like I'm 21 ?. Always think I'm too young, then remember it's been 4 decades, and I realize it's perfect ?. But the problem is that I'm very good at manipulating any situation, and now with pregnancy it's even worse. Sometimes I get myself into such a state that "here she is, I'm sitting on a cardboard box, my poor baby in my arms, everything's bad. I can't handle anything and I'm a bad mother, wife, and daughter…" These thoughts drive me to a breakdown and I cry, nobody can calm me down, and everyone gets annoyed. I keep everything